Tuesday, June 19, 2012

The Mother of All Rants

In yesterday's Gazette, there was an article that featured yours truly and the moronic things people say to pregnant ladies. http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Susan+Schwartz+What+with+rudeness/6796846/story.html
It was based on the below blog that I had not yet published. I thought you might enjoy reading where the article came from.



I'm trying to remember when I realized people are idiots. I did realize rather quickly that pregnancy was not going to be what I thought it was. I suppose I had never encountered someone who a) didn't enjoy being pregnant or b) was honest about how they were feeling. Also, maybe some people just aren't complainers. Well, I have decided that it is my mission to let people know that pregnancy is something else!

Let me be very clear. I am thrilled to be pregnant and my husband and I marvel in this miracle process everyday. We literally stare at my body and cannot believe what is happening. It's so crazy!!! I know getting or staying pregnant isn't easy for some people so I want to be clear. I appreciate being pregnant every single day. I also know there are people who would kill to feel like shit during a pregnancy- because at least they're pregnant. This is not meant to offend those people. I am trying to find some humour in being pregnant, watching my body 'evolve', and dealing with insensitive people on a day to day basis :)

People seem to be horrified when I am honest about how I am feeling. (I know my mom is!) I don't think there's any shame in admitting that I am not absolutely loving this process. I know it's for a great cause, I will do it again, it's just been a very uncomfortable 27 weeks! I just can't bring myself to smile real big and tell everyone how awesome I'm feeling. (I'm trying, I really am. And now that the nausea is gone, I certainly appreciate every non-queasy day like you wouldn't believe!)

I was also in denial about the weight I was gaining. For about 20 weeks, I was nauseous for most of the day and night and ironically the only thing that made me feel better was eating. I wasn't eating badly, but was certainly ingesting more than I had before. I wasn't weighing myself at home and I suppose it took some comments from people and my doctor asking me if I wanted the number of a dietician, to make me realize that yes, I had gained weight. And it wasn't all in my belly. :)

I think one of the first comments that threw me was when someone said:

"I noticed that you were heavier but didn't realize until today that you were pregnant."

Hmmmmm, ok.... ummmm, what?????

Then there are the myriad of people who tell me that my face has changed. I've had this argument with many of my friends who don't think this is a hurtful comment. (Face-changing usually implies you're having a girl, which implies that the girl fetus has stolen your beauty. Not a compliment? Really?)

When someone says, "Your face has changed!" and then moves on in the conversation, you are left to wonder what exactly they meant by that. I know many of you would argue that this is not an insult, and that I am hyper-sensitive and hormonal. (By the way telling a pregnant person that they're over-sensitive and/or hormonal is also a BAD IDEA.) I beg to differ. If there isn't a compliment that follows that statement then.... @^#%#$ you!! Do you mean my face has become distorted? Do you mean my face is fat? What does that mean and how can a pregnant woman NOT take offense to that?

"How far along are you?" No matter what I answered...I got, "Oh wow...", or "You sure it's not twins?!" Ahahahahah oh people, you are so funny!!! My doctor and his very advanced machines have told me multiple times now that there is only 1. OK!!??!!

Recently, someone told me they like standing next to me in pictures because they are bound to look skinny.

Yep.

I wear strong armour now so the comments bounce right off and at this point I am entertained by them. Now when people tell me my face has changed I ask them to explain themselves- "Like how? fatter? distorted?" I enjoy watching them squirm a bit.

I ran into someone who has never been pregnant who asked me how I was feeling. I am a bad liar and seem to be leading the campaign on letting people know that SOME people don't enjoy pregnancy, so I'm usually honest. This was around 20 weeks when I was still feeling nauseous quite regularly. So I told her. Her response: Ya, you'll probably feel that way for the rest of your pregnancy. Hey doc! Thanks for the positive news! I mean really?!? This person also asked me if I'm having twins. A real double whammy.

Then there's the: "Enjoy your dog now, because as soon as the baby is born, you'll forget about her!

"Ummmmmmmm, NO WE WON'T!!!!!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, There are people who have told me how beautiful I look, how I'm glowing and how it's all in my belly. And yes, they are now on my payroll.

Must give a shout out to my amazing husband. Basically, someone else has moved into my body and brain and he has been living with a completely hyper emotional, erratic lunatic for the last 27 weeks (yes, only 27 weeks and not 4+years). He has been exceptionally patient, he has rubbed my back until I have fallen asleep, as soon as I was no longer able to reach my feet, he became the one to moisturize them... amongst many other things. (Leg shaving is next dear :) )Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you, repeat.

I think the message here is simple. If you see someone who is pregnant, say something kind. I can assure you that even if they are loving being pregnant, they are feeling some things that aren't awesome. Maybe they don't recognize their feet because they're super swollen, maybe they're extremely clumsy and ironically cannot bend down to pick anything up, maybe getting in and out of a car is a challenge these days, maybe they're getting up to pee 6 times a night. I mean these are just guesses. In any event, being pregnant is an experience. And as long as I don't resemble Jessica Simpson towards the end of her pregancy, I think I've done a-ok.


Please stop telling us our face has changed. Please stop asking us if we're having twins and please stop telling us that we're reacting to these comments with anger because we're overly-sensitive and hormonal.

Tell the next pregnant lady you see that she looks beautiful. She needs to hear it. Please. For me.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Golden Globes Wrap up


Thank you to all who entered the contest! Surprisingly, I had many ballots from men! Who knew you guys were so into the GGs! The winner was Jessica from San Diego who guessed them all correctly except one. Great job Jessica and thanks for reading! Your prize of this really cute retro calculator watch is on its way.


Ricky Gervais was all hype. Said he came back to host because everyone said he wouldn't be invited back. Well he was invited back because he pissed off so many people. Don't think he'll be invited back now! Snooooze Ricky, saaaa-nooooze. So disappointed in you. A Kardashian marriage joke? Bottom of the barrel sir. I did laugh a few times and hit my sister simultaneously (I do that when I laugh) so he was funny but sparingly so. And didn't it feel like he had about a total of 12 minutes of screen time? Lame.

I did enjoy the many penis references (Clooney to Fassbender and the hilarious Seth Rogan) and Ricky seemingly outing Jodi Foster and her beaver.

And WHERE WAS RYAN GOSLING?????

And HOW HANDSOME DID LEO LOOK???? (will he ever win? sad face)

Jessica Lange's back gave me nightmares.

We should all look as good as Jane Fonda at her age. Bombshell!

Meryl Streep thanking god- Harvey Weinstein. That's some funny shit.

And besides The Artist and My week with Marilyn that I LOVED, I honestly feel that this years movies in general aren't A+s if you know what I mean. The Help was an incredible book. Amazing. The movie? Meh. I enjoyed it. I cried. But to get all this hooplah? Strange.

There's always the fashion mishaps to make a gal happy. I've said it before and I'll say it again- these people have all the resources they can handle at their disposal. Designers throwing their shit at them and begging them to wear their designs. I just don't understand how they can still f*ck it up. How is that possible???? Thankfully it is possible and happens time and time again.

Here we go:

Best:

My #1. Rocked it.

My #2. Who doesn't adore Dior?

I mean obv. Oh Leo. You will win one day. I promise.



Liked a lot:
So zexy Reese!

So I should start watching Homeland?


The- I've come from the future and I (usually) dress like a loon (but tonight actually don't look THAT veird)- award goes to:
The-meh-awards:

It's pretty. And meh. You're so vild Natalie pairing red and pink together!


I love you so much Kristen. You're brilliant. But this color. Honestly. You were nominated for a Golden Globe!!!!! Wear a freakin color! Or red lipstick! Or something!


Just plain meh. I can even read her mind. It's saying meh.


The- could have, should have done better- awards go to:

Thought her face looked great. Her arms scared the hell out of me. The bodice, although so tight it looked like she couldn't breathe, was gorgeous. Then the dress unfolded into a taffeta nightmare. Had the dress continued fitted all the way down in the same material of the bodice, that would have been sick in my opinion.


The- you're gorgeous but would it kill you to stray from fishtail- award goes to:

She's amazing. Stunning and hilarious. Alls I'm saying is deviating wouldn't kill her.


The- I love you and want to love this but don't- award goes to:

Fits her so well. So flattering. She's so cute I don't even mind the head piece. I think it's the material that's throwing me off.


Again- she looks great. Too peacock-ee? Something's bothering me.


Worst hair:

So dying your hair grey is the new... nothing!!!!!!!!!

Worst-don't ask me if I'm engaged because I'm not wearing a ring but I am wearing a wedding dress so he can see how good I'll look- dress.

The b-a-d:

Both Deschanels- ffffffuggggg.

Sorry- love you Zooey but do not love your hair or this. Don't even think the purse green matches the dress green.


So nice to see you Buffy but when you admit your toddler picked out your outfit, where can this possibly go?


Oh Meryl. She gets a pass because she's Meryl. (Banana clip, pony tail, square dancing costume?!?!?!?)

Glee fug:

The seams say Forever XXI

Who do you think you are Ms. Michele? You are not Halle Berry. (There's a 72% chance this would have looked hot on HB) On LM, looks like a skating costume turned mermaid. Wowza. Nisht.

90% of the time fug. She just can't get it right. Looks like ebola is spreading up her chest and is about to swallow her up!

Julie Bowen. Great comedic actress. Modern Family deserves all the awards. Brilliantly hysterical.
But- this made me uncomfy. Like maybe she's too old for this look? I know that sounds mean. She did look lovely.

But maybe Olivia rocked it more in 2008?

And last but not least-

These 2 weirdos. Most people are saying Angie looked smashing. Dress is lovely. Fits her perfectly. Brad is whatever. Doesn't do it for me. When she came on stage to present, she looked like a vampire. So pale exaggerated by her bright red lips. She actually scared me. So harsh. Could they look any stiffer? They look like freakin wax figures! They're holding onto each other for dear life! I know they're saving the world and all but they, mostly Angie, really irk me.


And that is that. Whilst watching, we noticed a lady sweeping the red carpet. Clearly that is a job that must be mine. What better way to get paid to go to the Golden Globes?

Yours in Feck,

LW

Friday, January 13, 2012

GG contest take 2 (Blogger you suck)

(I love Leo) (and my hubby)

So it seems that some of you weren't able to see half this blog. Thanks Blogger! You suck!
Check this out for more info on the contest- www.feck-you.blogspot.com

Listed below are the (most fun) nominees for the 69th annual Golden Globes airing this Sunday, January 15th.


Best Motion Picture — Drama

"The Descendants"
"The Help"
"Hugo"
"The Ides of March"
"Moneyball"
"War Horse"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Drama
Glenn Close, "Albert Nobbs"
Viola Davis, "The Help"
Rooney Mara, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep, "The Iron Lady"
Tilda Swinton, "We Need to Talk About Kevin

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Drama
George Clooney, "The Descendants"
Leonardo DiCaprio, "J. Edgar"
Michael Fassbender, "Shame
Ryan Gosling, "The Ides of March"
Brad Pitt, "Moneyball"

Best Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical
"50/50"
"The Artist"
"Bridesmaids"
"Midnight in Paris"
"My Week With Marilyn"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture — Comedy or Musical
Jodie Foster, "Carnage
Charlize theron, "Young Adult"
Kristen Wiig, "Bridesmaids"
Michelle Williams, "My Week With Marilyn"
Kate Winslet, "Carnage"

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture — Comedy or musical
Jean Dujardin, "The Artist
Brendan Gleeson, "The Guard"
Joseph Gordon-Levitt, "50/50"
Ryan Gosling, "Crazy, Stupid, Love."
Owen Wilson, "Midnight in Paris"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Berenice Bejo, "The Artist"
Jessica Chastain, "The Help"
Janet McTeer, "Albert Nobbs"
Octavia Spencer, "The Help"
Shailene Woodley, "The Descendants"

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture
Kenneth Branagh, "My Week with Marilyn"
Albert Brooks, "Drive"
Jonah Hill, "Moneyball"
Viggo Mortensen, "A Dangerous Method"
Christopher Plummer, "Beginners"

Best Director — Motion Picture
Woody Allen, "Midnight in Paris"
George Clooney, "The Ides of March"
Michel Hazanavicius, "The Artist"
Alexander Payne, "The Descendants"
Martin Scorsese, "Hugo"

Best Television Series — Drama
"American Horror Story"
"Boardwalk Empire"
"Boss"
"Game of Thrones"
"Homeland"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Drama
Claire Danes, "Homeland"
Mireille Enos, "The Killing"
Julianna Margulies, "The Good Wife"
Madeleine Stowe, "Revenge"
Callie Thorne, "Necessary Roughness"

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Drama
Steve Buscemi, "Boardwalk Empire"
Bryan Cranston, "Breaking Bad"
Kelsey Grammer, "Boss"
Jeremy Irons, "The Borgias"
Damian Lewis, "Homeland"

Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical
"Enlightened"
"Episodes"
"Glee"
"Modern "Family"
"New Girl"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical
Laura Dern, "Enlightened"
Zooey Deschanel, "New Girl"
Tina Fey, "30 Rock"
Laura Linney, "The Big C"
Amy Poehler, "Parks and Recreation"

Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series — Comedy or Musical
Alec Baldwin, "30 Rock"
David Duchovny, "Californication"
Johnny Galecki, "The Big Bang Theory"
Thomas Jane, "Hung"
Matt LeBlanc, "Episodes"

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television

Jessica Lange, "American Horror Story"
Kelly MacDonald, "Boardwalk Empire"
Maggie Smith, "Downtown Abbey" (Masterpiece)
Sofia Vergara, "Modern Family"
Evan Rachel Wood, "Mildred Pierce"

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or Motion Picture Made for Television
Peter Dinklage, "Game of Thrones"
Paul Giamatti, "Too Big to Fail"
Guy Pearce, "Mildred Pierce"
Tim Robbins, "Cinema Verite"
Eric Stonestreet, "Modern Family"

Email me your picks!!!

feckyou.goldenglobes@gmail.com

Contest is open until the first award is given!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Feck You Golden Globes Contest!!!


So, I really like award shows. I particularly enjoy the Golden Globes. Guests are relaxed, drinking and shmoozing. Not as formal as the Oscars. And the hosts are usually better. Ricky Gervais killed it last year and is back again. And it's TV and film!! Can't wait.

Then there's the fashion. Love being the fashion police. Like, love.

Oh, and I love games. I especially love board games. I'm the one who loves to play and always loses. Always. But that's cool with me because it's just so much fun! K, maybe I won a match of Balderdash once. And yes, I posted the score sheet on our fridge and it stayed there for a very long time.

I digress.

Back to the awards shows. The 69th annual Golden Globes are taking place next SUNDAY, JANUARY 15th! I need to see some more movies stat!

My love Leo! George Clooney! Brangelina! Ryan Gosling! Michelle Williams! Needless to say, I'm pretty darn excited.

So let's have a contest shall we?!?!?

This is how it's going to work:

I am going to list the most fun categories and nominees here.

Then you will email your choices to me at this email address: feckyou.goldenglobes@gmail.com.

Then the person with the most correct answers will win!

What will you win you ask? Well bragging rights and a cute little prize that I know you will love. Wherever you are, I promise to get it out to you asap. Not telling yet. (There is something I swear)

The nominees are!

MOVIES

BEST PICTURE: DRAMA


“The Descendants”

“The Help”

“Hugo”

“The Ides of March”

“Moneyball”

“War Horse”

BEST PICTURE: COMEDY OR MUSICAL

“50/50”

“The Artist”

“Bridesmaids”

“Midnight in Paris”

“My Week With Marilyn”






BEST DIRECTOR

Woody Allen (“Midnight in Paris”)

George Clooney (“The Ides of March”)

Michel Hazanavicius (“The Artist”)

Alexander Payne (“The Descendants”)

Martin Scorsese (“Hugo”)








BEST ACTOR: DRAMA

George Clooney (“The Descendants”)

Leonardo Dicaprio (“J. Edgar”)

Michael Fassbender (“Shame”)

Ryan Gosling (“The Ides of March”)

Brad Pitt (“Moneyball”)








BEST ACTRESS: DRAMA

Glenn Close (“Albert Nobbs”)

Viola Davis (“The Help”)

Rooney Mara (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”)

Meryl Streep (“The Iron Lady”)

Tilda Swinton (“We Need to Talk About Kevin”)






BEST ACTRESS: COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jodie Foster (“Carnage”)

Charlize Theron (“Young Adult”)

Kristen Wiig (“Bridesmaids”)

Michelle Williams (“My Week With Marilyn”)

Kate Winslet (“Carnage”)






BEST ACTOR: COMEDY OR MUSICAL

Jean Dujardin (“The Artist”)

Brendan Gleeson (“The Guard”)

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (“50/50”)

Ryan Gosling (“Crazy, Stupid, Love”)

Owen Wilson (“Midnight in Paris”)




BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Berenice Bejo (“The Artist”)

Jessica Chastain (“The Help”)

Janet McTeer (“Albert Nobbs”)

Octavia Spencer (“The Help”)

Shailene Woodley (“The Descendants”)






BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Kenneth Branagh (“My Week With Marilyn”)

Albert Brooks (“Drive”)

Jonah Hill (“Moneyball”)

Viggo Mortensen (“A Dangerous Method”)

Christopher Plummer (“Beginners”)





TELEVISION


BEST ACTRESS, TV COMEDY

Laura Dern (“Enlightened”)

Zooey Deschanel (“New Girl”)

Tina Fey (“30 Rock”)

Laura Linney (“The Big C”)

Amy Poehler (“Parks and Recreation”)


BEST ACTRESS, TV DRAMA

Claire Danes (“Homeland”)

Mireille Enos (“The Killing”)

Julianna Margulies (“The Good Wife”)

Madeleine Stowe (“Revenge”)

Callie Thorne (“Necessary Roughness”)






BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR, TV SERIES, MINI-SERIES or MOVIE

Peter Dinklange (“Game of Thrones”)

Paul Giamatti (“Too Big to Fail”)

Guy Pearce (“Mildred Pierce”)

Tim Robbins (“Cinema Verite”)

Eric Stonestreet (“Modern Family”)





BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS, TV SERIES, MINI-SERIES or MOVIE


Jessica Lange (“American Horror Story”)

Kelly Macdonald (“Boardwalk Empire”)

Maggie Smith (“Downton Abbey (Masterpiece)")

SofiaVegara (“Modern Family”)

Evan Rachel Wood (“Mildred Pierce”)








BEST ACTOR, TV COMEDY

Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”)

David Duchovny (“Californication”)

Johnny Galecki (“The Big Bang Theory”)

Thomas Jane (“Hung”)

Matt LeBlanc (“Episodes”)



BEST COMEDY SERIES, TV

“Enlightened”

“Episodes”

“Glee”

“Modern Family”

“New Girl”



BEST DRAMA SERIES, TV

“American Horror Story”

“Boardwalk Empire”

“Boss”

“Game of Thrones”

“Homeland”





So that's 8 categories for movies and 7 categories for television. Even if you haven't seen everything, who cares! Just try! Worst that can happen is you may win!!!!

Send me an email with your picks!!!!!!!!!!

feckyou.goldenglobes@gmail.com

I can't even compete and I'm so excited!!!!!