The Mother of All Rants

In yesterday's Gazette, there was an article that featured yours truly and the moronic things people say to pregnant ladies. http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Susan+Schwartz+What+with+rudeness/6796846/story.html
It was based on the below blog that I had not yet published. I thought you might enjoy reading where the article came from.

I'm trying to remember when I realized people are idiots. I did realize rather quickly that pregnancy was not going to be what I thought it was. I suppose I had never encountered someone who a) didn't enjoy being pregnant or b) was honest about how they were feeling. Also, maybe some people just aren't complainers. Well, I have decided that it is my mission to let people know that pregnancy is something else!

Let me be very clear. I am thrilled to be pregnant and my husband and I marvel in this miracle process everyday. We literally stare at my body and cannot believe what is happening. It's so crazy!!! I know getting or staying pregnant isn't easy for some people so I want to be clear. I appreciate being pregnant every single day. I also know there are people who would kill to feel like shit during a pregnancy- because at least they're pregnant. This is not meant to offend those people. I am trying to find some humour in being pregnant, watching my body 'evolve', and dealing with insensitive people on a day to day basis :)

People seem to be horrified when I am honest about how I am feeling. (I know my mom is!) I don't think there's any shame in admitting that I am not absolutely loving this process. I know it's for a great cause, I will do it again, it's just been a very uncomfortable 27 weeks! I just can't bring myself to smile real big and tell everyone how awesome I'm feeling. (I'm trying, I really am. And now that the nausea is gone, I certainly appreciate every non-queasy day like you wouldn't believe!)

I was also in denial about the weight I was gaining. For about 20 weeks, I was nauseous for most of the day and night and ironically the only thing that made me feel better was eating. I wasn't eating badly, but was certainly ingesting more than I had before. I wasn't weighing myself at home and I suppose it took some comments from people and my doctor asking me if I wanted the number of a dietician, to make me realize that yes, I had gained weight. And it wasn't all in my belly. :)

I think one of the first comments that threw me was when someone said:

"I noticed that you were heavier but didn't realize until today that you were pregnant."

Hmmmmm, ok.... ummmm, what?????

Then there are the myriad of people who tell me that my face has changed. I've had this argument with many of my friends who don't think this is a hurtful comment. (Face-changing usually implies you're having a girl, which implies that the girl fetus has stolen your beauty. Not a compliment? Really?)

When someone says, "Your face has changed!" and then moves on in the conversation, you are left to wonder what exactly they meant by that. I know many of you would argue that this is not an insult, and that I am hyper-sensitive and hormonal. (By the way telling a pregnant person that they're over-sensitive and/or hormonal is also a BAD IDEA.) I beg to differ. If there isn't a compliment that follows that statement then.... @^#%#$ you!! Do you mean my face has become distorted? Do you mean my face is fat? What does that mean and how can a pregnant woman NOT take offense to that?

"How far along are you?" No matter what I answered...I got, "Oh wow...", or "You sure it's not twins?!" Ahahahahah oh people, you are so funny!!! My doctor and his very advanced machines have told me multiple times now that there is only 1. OK!!??!!

Recently, someone told me they like standing next to me in pictures because they are bound to look skinny.

Yep.

I wear strong armour now so the comments bounce right off and at this point I am entertained by them. Now when people tell me my face has changed I ask them to explain themselves- "Like how? fatter? distorted?" I enjoy watching them squirm a bit.

I ran into someone who has never been pregnant who asked me how I was feeling. I am a bad liar and seem to be leading the campaign on letting people know that SOME people don't enjoy pregnancy, so I'm usually honest. This was around 20 weeks when I was still feeling nauseous quite regularly. So I told her. Her response: Ya, you'll probably feel that way for the rest of your pregnancy. Hey doc! Thanks for the positive news! I mean really?!? This person also asked me if I'm having twins. A real double whammy.

Then there's the: "Enjoy your dog now, because as soon as the baby is born, you'll forget about her!

"Ummmmmmmm, NO WE WON'T!!!!!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, There are people who have told me how beautiful I look, how I'm glowing and how it's all in my belly. And yes, they are now on my payroll.

Must give a shout out to my amazing husband. Basically, someone else has moved into my body and brain and he has been living with a completely hyper emotional, erratic lunatic for the last 27 weeks (yes, only 27 weeks and not 4+years). He has been exceptionally patient, he has rubbed my back until I have fallen asleep, as soon as I was no longer able to reach my feet, he became the one to moisturize them... amongst many other things. (Leg shaving is next dear :) )Thank you, I'm sorry, I love you, repeat.

I think the message here is simple. If you see someone who is pregnant, say something kind. I can assure you that even if they are loving being pregnant, they are feeling some things that aren't awesome. Maybe they don't recognize their feet because they're super swollen, maybe they're extremely clumsy and ironically cannot bend down to pick anything up, maybe getting in and out of a car is a challenge these days, maybe they're getting up to pee 6 times a night. I mean these are just guesses. In any event, being pregnant is an experience. And as long as I don't resemble Jessica Simpson towards the end of her pregancy, I think I've done a-ok.

Please stop telling us our face has changed. Please stop asking us if we're having twins and please stop telling us that we're reacting to these comments with anger because we're overly-sensitive and hormonal.

Tell the next pregnant lady you see that she looks beautiful. She needs to hear it. Please. For me.