Various & Sundry

When I googled various and sundry, I got the above. So that's why it's there.

So I was told by a published writer, whom I think is brilliant, that she really likes my writing and that I should write more. I should write more. I want to write more. Life just keeps happening and as I'm not getting paiiiiiiid for this, it ain't happening.

I thought this entry would be super random just focusing on various and sundry things I've been noticing lately.

So here goes:

As I was making myself a salad for dinner, I realized that cucumbers smell really great.

I finally tried Pilates and I think I really like it. That pulley system thing is hysterical in a torture device kinda way. It also makes me feel like there's an invisible puppeteer in the room pulling on my strings making me move. Then I realize that I in fact am my own puppeteer causing the tremendous pain in my quads. Also makes me think of The Princess Bride stretching torture device thing. Anyone?



As I type, I can feel every muscle in my body tightening up and I am praying that I'll be able to walk and/or brush my teeth tomorrow. Gooooood times.

Halloween is interesting as an adult. When we were kids, we thought about our costumes for months. Were the 20 somethings then thinking about how slutty they could make their costumes? I mean when I saw slutty, I mean 'sexy', Nemo on a website this year, I almost died- actually I cried.

Is it just 15-20 somethings in the last 10 years or so who have been counting down the days till they could slut up Halloween? Did I ever slut up Halloween? I can't imagine I didn't but I only have memories of the babies and punks that I dressed up as. I'm just so horrified now. And I guess I'm slowly realizing that that means I am O.A.F. (Old as F*ck). When the heck did that happen?

Really into The Good Wife. Blew through the first 2 seasons via itunes and now have to wait like regular folk for it to air every Sunday. That is horrid. But the show is great. HIGHLY recommend it.

Also started The Killing. Not as violent as the title seems to infer, and I feel could possibly be a mystery that Kalinda and her lawyer friends at Lockhart/Gardner could solve in one episode, but really good.

When in god's name (what is god's name anyway? isn't it god?) is Mad Men coming back??? I need me some Don Draper real soon.

A few new comedies have entered our home too:

Two Broke Girls- funnier than I thought it would be and I keep watching.
Up All Night- Really had high hopes for this one- Produced by Lorne Michaels, Christina Applegate, my fave Will Arnett (Gob to us) and Maya Rudolph- some of the episodes are funny, but just parts and some not so funny at all :(

I've been feeling lately like I was put on this Earth to accomplish something. Like do something really meaningful and helpful. Like, for the world. Yes, I profess my knowledge to kids aged 10-12, and being a teacher is helping produce (hopefully) intelligent future leaders/citizens of our world, but I just feel like I need to do more. I am up to date on Hollywood gossip, so I'm doing my part there (www.laineygossip.com hilarious), but I just feel like there's more to be done here. Stay tuned for developments on that front.
One of my besties is planning on moving away and that really blows. I truly adore her and her hubby (oh and delicious pup) so much. I'm so sad we only met this late in life. V, you are one lucky gal.
I need to know that there are other men out there, let me be specific, married, kidless men, who watch as much sports as my married kidless husband does. Football, college football, hockey, baseball, golf, basketball, poker (not a sport?)... obviously some of these are seasonal, and some are currently on strike, but when certain sports overlapped there for a while...WHOAZA (my new word I created, a combo of whoa and wowza, I know it's great, thanks). That's a whole lotta sports watchin! He was even watching HIGH SCHOOL BASKETBALL the other night. That is nutso. In my humble opinion. Like, they like sports that much? Really?

Did LSU and FSU cover the spread? Whaaaa? Shut up already. (For NR & SR)

If you want to have a very successful charity event, just find a great venue and an original idea. Seemed to have worked swimmingly on November 5th. If you build it and if it's unique, they will come.
So, I'm on Twitter. Still rarely tweet. Not like any of my 'followers' really care anyway. I'm so self-conscious about what to tweet! It's kinda crazy. I read such witty tweets and I'm tongue (finger) tied when it comes to writing one. I just don't want them to be lame. I have written so many and discarded most. I'm just not ready. That must be what it is. Or, I still don't fully get it. What I do get is that certain people have over 8 million followers. Now, THAT is cookoo. With a little tappy tap tweet, some people can reach millllllions. That is wild. @aplusk (Ashton Kutcher) had a rough day today- #Watchyoself #yoikes8millionhaters

My husband and I are going away in December and need someone to chill with Lola for a few (more than 3 less than 22) days. Lemme know if you are up for some sweet cuddles. We pay well. In chocolate and hugs. (or cold hard cash if that's what it will take)
Has anyone else noticed how long CNN Breaking News alerts have become? Used to be 1 line. Now it's 9 paragraphs. Not cool CNN.

U.S. Army Staff Sgt Calvin Gibbs has been found guilty on all charges, including the murders of three Afghan civilians.
He faces a maximum sentence of life in military prison.
Gibbs is the highest-ranking of five soldiers accused of murdering Afghan villagers, planting weapons on them and cutting off body parts to keep as grisly war trophies. Seven other soldiers were also charged with lesser crimes.
Prosecutors described the clean-cut and tall Gibbs as looking like he walked off a "recruiting poster." But the staff sergeant also sported six skull tattoos on his left shin signifying his "kills," prosecutors said, quoted Darwin and referred to Afghan civilians as "savages."
According to soldiers who testified at the court-martial, Gibbs discussed what he called "scenarios," or staging firefights so the soldiers could kill civilians and make it look as if they were Taliban fighters.

And these gals on Ellen? Too much.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gmmRUqgsg4

And tomorrow is 11-11-11. Not only is Lucerne/St Croix at the Metropolitan being closed off for god knows how long (been very stressed about this for some time, gonna cause havoc getting to and near my house) but it's a date that won't ever happen again.

So at 11:11 on 11-11-11, make a wish won't ya? Don't believe in that crap? Fine. Do it anyway. For me.

Peace out.

Part Deux- Aussieland Styles

I had every intention of writing a part deux. Swear. I wrote part one (click here to read it) in Mykonos, after having finished yet another awesome David Sedaris novel. I was inspired. And truly believed that upon my return, I'd write part deux all about the rest of my European observations.

Then we returned, I got sucked back into real life and a new job. I need to be inspired when I write and not just write to write. I usually start composing in my head, jot some notes down, and then bang it out in a short period of time. That particular inspiration never came so that's my explanation for the absence of part deux of our honeymoon.

So I apologize to my many many many many fans out there.

So this is a version of part deux if you will. The Aussie version.


Shortly after our nuptials in April, my sister-in-law (Sara) and brother-in-law (Sean) moved to Australia (short-ish term thank god) to work for a vineyard and to fulfill one of Sean's dreams. The Rosenblatt/Adelsohn crew LOVE wine. Father-in-law introduced the fam to Mollydooker some years ago, as a result, Sara and Sean went to Australia on their honeymoon, visited the Mollydooker Winery aaaand........ the rest is history.

So when my in-laws said they were going to visit Sara and Sean well.... we couldn't not join them! A trip of a lifetime.

20 days.
7 cities.
9 flights.

Bring. It. On.

Sydney, The Blue Mountains, Cairns (Port Douglas), The Great Barrier Reef, Ayer's Rock, Melbourne, Adelaide (Barossa & McLaren Vale).

Things I learned about Australia:

It is very very very far away from North America.

Most people are unintelligible. Even after 20 days.
Noy= no, Soy= so, No worries= everything and anything you want it to mean- hi, bye, you're welcome, thank you- kinda like the Aussie Shalom.

It is very very very expensive.

Everything is backwards. Driving, walking, all done on opposite sides. Being from Canada and stepping off the curb in Sydney could kill you! So weird fighting all your natural instincts.


Aussies are INCREDIBLY friendly, warm and gracious. Similar to the reputation of Canadians.

Jeff is taller than many many many Aussies. He was also taller then most Italians and Greeks. Maybe he's just tall.


Everytime an Aussie would mistake us for Americans, they would fall all over themselves apologizing. It's like mistaking an Aussie for a Kiwi (a New Zealander). That's a huge insult there.

How they view the consumption of kangaroo- for dogs or tourists.

Crocodiles are a common concern/annoyance/irritant on most golf courses. Y'know, like mosquitoes here. (Look at the water)


Aussies like to shorten many words, making them even harder to understand:
brekkie- breakfast


bathers or cosies- bathing suit
tanta- tantrum
servo- gas station
trackies- sweatpants/trackpants
cuppa- cup of coffee
sunnies- sunglasses
ambo- ambulance
bikkie- cookie
arvo- afternoon
ta- thanks
Mackers- Macdonald's
Footy- Australian rules football
(A little note about Footy- It's on every channel in every hotel room in Australia. Hard not to watch it when you're down unda. It's also so unbelievably violent that it's mesmerizing. There seems to be no rules, although there are referees. These players pummel each other repeatedly and just keep on going. One player had a crazy head injury, went off the field to get his head wrapped up, came back on, continued playing as we could see blood soaking through his head bandage. Probably wouldn't happen in America. And so much more entertaining (at least for me) then American football. And great outfits.)


Our favourite expression that means absolutely nothing- thirdeen wodah packs (Aussie for thirteen water parks. Absolutely no relevance to the trip. Made us feel Aussie when we said it. Try it. Trust me).

We toured Sydney by Hop on Hop off bus, went to the Taronga Zoo, Bondi Beach and ate at incredible restaurants.


We drove to the Blue Mountains and hiked through rainforests and saw kangaroos living in their natural habitat.


We explored the Jenolan caves. Felt somewhat like a school trip but then I reminded myself where I was on the map and grew up. A bit.


Then we flew to Cairns (pronounced Kens) and drove to Port Douglas. We toured the world's oldest rainforests, went on a boat ride in an almost swamp like estuary looking for crocs, and topped it off with snorkling on the Great Barrier Reef.



Then we flew to Ayer's Rock also known as Uluru. It is a very large sandstone rock formation found in the middle of the Outback in central Australia. Uluru is a sacred place for the Aboriginals in that area. We hiked around the rock to the most famous watering hole where Oprah had a very spiritual moment. We also had dinner in the middle of the Outback. Quite something.




Then came Melbourne. A very cool city that many compare to Montreal. Less touristy than Sydney. And with an amazing market! Every kind of 'Australian' made item you could want- digerydoos, boomerangs, Uggs, aboriginal art... coupled with an incredible food market as well. We spent 4 hours there! Melbourne is also know for their lanes. In between busy streets are little lanes like the one below filled with shops and restaurants. So charming!


We, as a family, experienced the 'Boomerang Effect', a term coined by yours truly. See, we just couldn't lose anything! And boy did we try. First, Sean left his ipad in the van we took to the Blue Mountains (ok, really I was the one who had it last and somehow left in in the van). When we realized no one had it, after returning the car to the rental place, we freaked and to make a loooong story short, it was found and returned to Sean. Feeeeeyooooooo.

Then as payback I suppose, I left my leather jacket on the plane to Cairns, and after lots of anger, frustration and stress, it was returned to me in Melbourne (nothing short of a miracle people). Jerry left his hat in a food court and got it back, Sara left her pashmina in a hotel room and got it back (possibly not hers but got a pashmina back in any event), I left my rings in a hotel room and realized before we left... so basically, we are incredibly irresponsible, but something was looking out for us... the boomerang effect... yes... and god villing it followed us back home.


Last stop- Adelaide, where Sara and Sean live. After describing it to people as similar to Ottawa or Sainte Agathe (no clue why I did this), we discovered that in fact it's like neither of those. Maybe more similar to Ottawa but not really. Adelaide is more 'country' than Sydney and Melbourne, on the Southern Ocean, an hour from the incredible Barossa valley (wine country) and half an hour from Mclaren Vale, another incredible region filled with vineyards.


The piece de resistance was ending this incredible trip by visiting 5 vineyards and getting to taste their best wines. If you ask my father-in-law, tasting some of the best wines (or some of our favourites), with his family in tow, I can imagine, equaled extreme happiness. We visited: Henschke, Two Hands, Torbreck, Penfolds and of course Molly Dooker.



















































Before...















And... After!


















'We make wines that make people go WOW through attention to detail and commitment to excellence'










After a trip of a lifetime, and after being drunk for 3 weeks, it was time for detox and time to travel back home, sadly sans Sara and Sean.

Thank you Rho + Jer for planning what was an experience of a lifetime. Your generosity is unending and soooooooooo appreciated.


June '11- Europe
August '11- Australia
October '11- Africa? (That's a joke Julie.)

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

Planes, Trains, (hydrofoils, scooters, donkeys, flying cats) and Automobiles Part 1

Yes, that is exactly what I look like when I'm travelling.

Let it be known that these entries are being inspired by David Sedaris. If you haven’t read him, and you have somewhat come to trust my opinions, well then downloading one of his gems or god forbid purchasing a hardcopy (I’m old school that way) pronto is necessary. This is sarcastic, self-deprecating writing that regularly has me busting out laughs. I most recently finished ‘When You Are Engulfed in Flames’ which specifically focuses on Sedaris’ midlife crisis as he tries to quit smoking after many years.

I suppose explaining a particularly hilarious part from the book is like me stopping every few pages and reading an excerpt to my husband who kinda giggles, likely to not make me feel bad, hiding his annoyance, because let’s be honest, that habit IS annoying. But I do come by it honestly- my mother and sister suffer from it as well so it is what it is. Even when husband protests, I try hard to convince him it will be worth it. But, out of context, sometimes it does not have the effect I would like it to which is a problem when 3 pages later I want to read him yet another hysterical part. But, he allows it because after all, he is my husband and a good boy- more on that later. The part I will be reading aloud to husband when he wakes up from his snooze goes something like this:

Sedaris has successfully quit smoking after many many years. He has taken up swimming and is proud of himself that he no longer feels as though he will cough up a lung after 3 strokes. At the pool he currently swims at regularly, there is a woman with Down Syndrome. He describes her as ‘fairly heavy’ and then goes on to say how incredible he feels when he beats her from one end of the pool to the other (he admits this feeling of pride is odd).

He tells his boyfriend:

“I won 3 out of 4, I mean, I really creamed her.”

To which his bf responds:

“Let me get this straight- She’s obese, as old as you are, AND she has down syndrome?”

“Yes, and I beat her. Isn’t that great!”

He goes on to describe the elderly and children he also beats in swim races, whether or not they have been informed of said race. ‘Small victories’ he says.

Epic fail? Maybe. I know my sister and mother are laughing and that’s good enough for me. Sedaris has the ability to turn the most mundane activities into the most hilarious riffs. And THAT is why I enjoy him so much.

Back to the point of this entry. My honeymoon.

Italy. Greece. 16 days. Bring it. I planned the trip. With help of course from friends and a very knowledgeable travel agent who had planned travel many times for those I trust.

First stop- Rome. Then straight away to Capri. This Italy trip was about the Amalfi coast. We’d both been to Rome, Venice + Florence, so we were going to focus on the coast this time.

Packing- Well, how the hell am I supposed to know how to do that properly? The first clue that I had in fact failed miserably at this was when we got our luggage in Rome and had to traverse the airport to get to the train that would take us to the train to Naples. This was the problem. We had: 2 small rolly carry-ons, and 2 bigger bags. Ok fine, my bag was massive and weighed a whopping 32 kg, and even on wheels was ridiculously arduous to drag. Overweight for the flight yes, but flying bidness class they overlooked this. How nice. Husband on the other hand, didn’t, or better yet- couldn’t ‘overlook’ this 32kg fact.

Ya see, from the baggage claim, we had to walk and shlep for about 25 minutes to get to train #1. 28 moving sidewalks and 37 escalators later, we arrived at the first train. For the visual- I am dragging the 2 smaller carry-ons and of course husband is dragging the larger ones.

I am smiling and leading the way. Husband not smiling. Sweating profusely in fact.

Interesting fact- trains in Italy don’t have ramps. I have to lift what seem like heavy carry-ons to me onto the train and yes, husband has to lift 32kg and his bag. There are 100s of people clamoring to get on this train as we are desperately trying to lift our 4 heavy bags up the stairs. No one helping, just deep sighing or trying to squeeze past these ‘touristas’. Nice.

Finally sitting, sweating and heaving lungs. Train ride is 15 minutes. Bloody hell.

Step 2- we now need to disembark train 1, shlep bags down steep stairs and find where train to Naples is leaving from.

Repeat step 1. No ramps, stairs. This time, 45 minute train ride has us sitting facing 2 strangers, knee to knee. Husband is almost 6”4. At this time, husband says that he doesn’t want me to touch him. Needs space, needs air. I can’t help but burst out laughing. Because especially now, it is funny. We are on the very first leg of our honeymoon and husband has declared- please don’t touch me. For those of you who know husband, you know that he is NEVER in a bad mood. I mean, this sitch was extreme. And I had planned the entire trip so I was feeling a tad nervous about the following 15 days. I guess the fact that this is the most expensive trip we likely will ever take, and we that we were both slightly stressed and unhappy at that particular moment, wasn’t too funny.

I was a good girl and didn’t touch and tried hard to remain quiet. As we approached Naples, the man who had been sitting across from Husband and whose knees had obviously gotten to know each other well, wished us a wonderful vacation in Italy. I thought that was nice and knew things were looking up!

Disembark. Oy. Then we must find a cab to take us to the port so we can get on a hydrofoil that will take us to our first destination- Capri. Pronounced Caaaaaaaa-pree. We are convinced the 2 drivers (yes, 2, not sure why) will kill us and rob us and that will be the end of us, but they don’t, they just scam 45 Euros out of us for a 12 minute drive to the port. At this point, we ain’t arguing, we are being the good tourists that we are.

Lug bags onto boat. We can leave them on lower deck and go sit on upper deck, which is outside. 45 minutes, relaxed, sun on our faces, wind in our hair. We have been traveling at this point for about 15 hours, on very little sleep, so this sun, wind, not moving combo feels quite good.

We were warned against staying in Capri itself, so we picked a hotel in Anacapri, which is just on the other side of the island. The moment we arrived, every second of that travel day disappeared. This. Was. Bliss. http://blisscape.com/

Ok, we'll stay a bit.

All You Need is Love

Sooooooooo, we did it! After a year and a half engagement, we tied the knot!

Everyone told me to take it all in, the day flies by, before you know it, it's over. I therefore tried to be very 'present' for most of the day. But then it was over and felt like it hadn't even happened! So weird really.

The things that stand out (in no particular order):

Lola barfing allll over our duvet at 8am wedding morning.

My cheeks hurting from smiling.

Falling even more in love with my husband (didn't think that was possible) as he serenaded me.

The food! I ate and it was deelish!

Numb feets under the chuppah. Communicating to Sara about this as the ceremony was happening.

Walking into the sanctuary early on in the day and starting to cry as I saw how breathtaking the aisle and chuppah were.

The marching band. Oh Sean. Amazing.

Jeff and I waiting to be called for the ceremony, sitting side by side, holding hands, alone in the bride's room, listening to and feeling our very loud and fast heartbeats.

Waiting for my turn to walk down the aisle, looking to my right and saying, "Hey valets, what's up?"

Mickey singing to us.

In the car that took us to Old Montreal for pictures, thinking, 'Is this the best route to take?'

My STUNNING bridal party and their amazingly colorful shoes :) I know I'm biased, but WOW, do I have gorgeous Matrons and Maids.

Hot chocolate chip cookies.

Melanie standing on a chair giving out the sparkler instructions.

Everytime I came to the dance floor, revelling in the fact that I knew everyone! Thought it was so cool!

The photo booth.

Missing Lola.

All the kisses.

The bloopers video. Oh MA GAD. Lauren and Mikey- Love IS all you need.

Thinking about Sheiner all day and night.

The INCREDIBLE rendition of 'Grace Too' that The Fundamentals rocked for our first dance. WOW.

The love. The incredible feeling of love surrounding us and our families the entire day and night. The love we have for our family and friends and the love they all have for us and each other. It was a love fest.

Seeing how much fun Emma and Sophie were having.

Seeing how much fun Jeff was having.

Thinking how extra hot Jeff looked wearing his wedding band.

At midnight, it felt like 8pm. I could have danced until the sun came up. Unending energy.

Julie literally ripping my right shoe off because the strap was stuck.

Actually hearing Tiny Dancer, Trouble and Dave Matthews during dinner while everyone was chatting me up.

I know it happened but doesn't feel like it happened. So weird.

Jeff always says I have to mention him in every blog post. So, I thought I'd include some of the Jeff part of my speech:

I love you because you make me feel safe.

I love you because you are who you are and change for no one (well sometimes you do change out of sweatpants into jeans when I ask).

I love you because you still drive an electric blue civic.

I love you because you make me laugh. A lot.

I love you because we laugh so much together.

I love you because you brought the most special people into my life who are now my family.

I love you because we are just so perfect for each other, and we both know it (and maybe everyone else now knows it too).

I love you because it was your idea to do the video invite.

I love you because we both appreciate how lucky we are to have found each other.

I love you because you are brilliant.

I love you because it took you just about 2 years to ask me to clean my crap off the bathroom counter.

I love you because you play and watch every sport ever invented.

I love you because you have 12 000 friends.

I love you because, you are noticed when you walk in a room.

I love you even though you love Ed Hardy. Notice how all your Ed Hardy stuff seems to be MIA? Strange.

I love you because you are so talented musically- drums , piano and guitar. Most nights, I get into bed with Jeff, Lola and one of the 3 guitars in our house.

I love you because you love Lola almost as much as me.

I love you because you found me, went after me and wouldn’t take no for an answer.

I love you because you let me be the backseat driver that I am. Most of the time.

I love you because you are so easy going.

I love you because you’ve been in a bad mood I think 3 times since we met.

I love you because you are so generous.

I love you because you are an incredible uncle to my, now our, nieces.

I love you because when I ask you to tickle my back, you always do. Always people.

I love you because you don’t go to sleep every night with the TV on. Oh, my mistake, you do.

I love you because I think you are one of the coolest people I know.

Thank you for finding me, loving me, protecting me, taking care of me, standing up for me, making me laugh so much and loving my family and friends like I do.

I’ve never been so proud to call myself your wife.

-------------------------------------------------------

I had a blast. Danced, ate, kissed, photoboothed, partied till the weeee hours of the morning.

Our photographers are marrying each other next weekend. Congratulations! Can't wait to see the masterpieces you took. http://davinaplusdaniel.com/ Check them out. They're geniuses.

All you need is love! I think we got that covered.