Feck You: Part Deux- Aussieland Styles

I had every intention of writing a part deux. Swear. I wrote part one (click here to read it) in Mykonos, after having finished yet another awesome David Sedaris novel. I was inspired. And truly believed that upon my return, I'd write part deux all about the rest of my European observations.

Then we returned, I got sucked back into real life and a new job. I need to be inspired when I write and not just write to write. I usually start composing in my head, jot some notes down, and then bang it out in a short period of time. That particular inspiration never came so that's my explanation for the absence of part deux of our honeymoon.

So I apologize to my many many many many fans out there.

So this is a version of part deux if you will. The Aussie version.

Shortly after our nuptials in April, my sister-in-law (Sara) and brother-in-law (Sean) moved to Australia (short-ish term thank god) to work for a vineyard and to fulfill one of Sean's dreams. The Rosenblatt/Adelsohn crew LOVE wine. Father-in-law introduced the fam to Mollydooker some years ago, as a result, Sara and Sean went to Australia on their honeymoon, visited the Mollydooker Winery aaaand........ the rest is history.

So when my in-laws said they were going to visit Sara and Sean well.... we couldn't not join them! A trip of a lifetime.

20 days.
7 cities.
9 flights.

Bring. It. On.

Sydney, The Blue Mountains, Cairns (Port Douglas), The Great Barrier Reef, Ayer's Rock, Melbourne, Adelaide (Barossa & McLaren Vale).

Things I learned about Australia:

It is very very very far away from North America.

Most people are unintelligible. Even after 20 days.
Noy= no, Soy= so, No worries= everything and anything you want it to mean- hi, bye, you're welcome, thank you- kinda like the Aussie Shalom.

It is very very very expensive.

Everything is backwards. Driving, walking, all done on opposite sides. Being from Canada and stepping off the curb in Sydney could kill you! So weird fighting all your natural instincts.

Aussies are INCREDIBLY friendly, warm and gracious. Similar to the reputation of Canadians.

Jeff is taller than many many many Aussies. He was also taller then most Italians and Greeks. Maybe he's just tall.

Everytime an Aussie would mistake us for Americans, they would fall all over themselves apologizing. It's like mistaking an Aussie for a Kiwi (a New Zealander). That's a huge insult there.

How they view the consumption of kangaroo- for dogs or tourists.

Crocodiles are a common concern/annoyance/irritant on most golf courses. Y'know, like mosquitoes here. (Look at the water)

Aussies like to shorten many words, making them even harder to understand:
brekkie- breakfast

bathers or cosies- bathing suit
tanta- tantrum
servo- gas station
trackies- sweatpants/trackpants
cuppa- cup of coffee
sunnies- sunglasses
ambo- ambulance
bikkie- cookie
arvo- afternoon
ta- thanks
Mackers- Macdonald's
Footy- Australian rules football
(A little note about Footy- It's on every channel in every hotel room in Australia. Hard not to watch it when you're down unda. It's also so unbelievably violent that it's mesmerizing. There seems to be no rules, although there are referees. These players pummel each other repeatedly and just keep on going. One player had a crazy head injury, went off the field to get his head wrapped up, came back on, continued playing as we could see blood soaking through his head bandage. Probably wouldn't happen in America. And so much more entertaining (at least for me) then American football. And great outfits.)

Our favourite expression that means absolutely nothing- thirdeen wodah packs (Aussie for thirteen water parks. Absolutely no relevance to the trip. Made us feel Aussie when we said it. Try it. Trust me).

We toured Sydney by Hop on Hop off bus, went to the Taronga Zoo, Bondi Beach and ate at incredible restaurants.

We drove to the Blue Mountains and hiked through rainforests and saw kangaroos living in their natural habitat.

We explored the Jenolan caves. Felt somewhat like a school trip but then I reminded myself where I was on the map and grew up. A bit.

Then we flew to Cairns (pronounced Kens) and drove to Port Douglas. We toured the world's oldest rainforests, went on a boat ride in an almost swamp like estuary looking for crocs, and topped it off with snorkling on the Great Barrier Reef.

Then we flew to Ayer's Rock also known as Uluru. It is a very large sandstone rock formation found in the middle of the Outback in central Australia. Uluru is a sacred place for the Aboriginals in that area. We hiked around the rock to the most famous watering hole where Oprah had a very spiritual moment. We also had dinner in the middle of the Outback. Quite something.

Then came Melbourne. A very cool city that many compare to Montreal. Less touristy than Sydney. And with an amazing market! Every kind of 'Australian' made item you could want- digerydoos, boomerangs, Uggs, aboriginal art... coupled with an incredible food market as well. We spent 4 hours there! Melbourne is also know for their lanes. In between busy streets are little lanes like the one below filled with shops and restaurants. So charming!

We, as a family, experienced the 'Boomerang Effect', a term coined by yours truly. See, we just couldn't lose anything! And boy did we try. First, Sean left his ipad in the van we took to the Blue Mountains (ok, really I was the one who had it last and somehow left in in the van). When we realized no one had it, after returning the car to the rental place, we freaked and to make a loooong story short, it was found and returned to Sean. Feeeeeyooooooo.

Then as payback I suppose, I left my leather jacket on the plane to Cairns, and after lots of anger, frustration and stress, it was returned to me in Melbourne (nothing short of a miracle people). Jerry left his hat in a food court and got it back, Sara left her pashmina in a hotel room and got it back (possibly not hers but got a pashmina back in any event), I left my rings in a hotel room and realized before we left... so basically, we are incredibly irresponsible, but something was looking out for us... the boomerang effect... yes... and god villing it followed us back home.

Last stop- Adelaide, where Sara and Sean live. After describing it to people as similar to Ottawa or Sainte Agathe (no clue why I did this), we discovered that in fact it's like neither of those. Maybe more similar to Ottawa but not really. Adelaide is more 'country' than Sydney and Melbourne, on the Southern Ocean, an hour from the incredible Barossa valley (wine country) and half an hour from Mclaren Vale, another incredible region filled with vineyards.

The piece de resistance was ending this incredible trip by visiting 5 vineyards and getting to taste their best wines. If you ask my father-in-law, tasting some of the best wines (or some of our favourites), with his family in tow, I can imagine, equaled extreme happiness. We visited: Henschke, Two Hands, Torbreck, Penfolds and of course Molly Dooker.

Before...

And... After!

'We make wines that make people go WOW through attention to detail and commitment to excellence'

After a trip of a lifetime, and after being drunk for 3 weeks, it was time for detox and time to travel back home, sadly sans Sara and Sean.

Thank you Rho + Jer for planning what was an experience of a lifetime. Your generosity is unending and soooooooooo appreciated.