Awkward!!!!!

So, weather's been crap in Florida. Not actually complaining because I guess 66 degrees and cloudy is better than -10 and snowy, but it's all relative. Shopping in a hell called Aventura ain't for me. I watched an interesting 60 Minutes the other night. Something about these brazzziliant paleontologists discovering tissue in dinosaur bones that are billions of years old that could possibly lead to the reintroduction of a dinosaur type creature in the future. Calling it a Dino-chicken.

Another very interesting story caught my eye too. It was about 2 Jews who created a website called www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com. People send them their most awkward family pics and they post them. That's all. Simple. But, hilarious and awkward. I mean you just can't even begin to wrap your head around how/why some of these pictures even happened.

Here we go:

We can start with this one- hockey gear, bra, preggo... totally normal pic. Superb idea professional photog. Black and white adds such a classy touch.


They REEEAAAALLLYYY wanted the entire family in this one.


I was potty trained this way, u?


Nothing says Merry Xmas like matching pajamas and a topless man (presumably the dad) in your pic! I really can't begin to understand this one. Praying it was a joke. If so, good one.


No words really for this one. But definitely NOT a joke. You can just tell. Far left guy is my personal fave. Hands on knees guy is pretty good too. Did the store run out of mini pumpkins? Even the dog has to look away.


Who can guess this mother's favourite skater?


Some people just really love their dogs! Possibly a bit too much.


Maybe a candy apple would have been more appropriate for this family vacation shot.


Again having trouble finding words. At least they're in love.


And then obviously we have NKOTB attempting to feed this little girl. Guess she's a picky eater. Props to her parents for pulling out ALLLLL the stops to get her to eat.


Now this pic is funny because once the eisel collapsed, one parent ran to get the camera while the other waited. See dad's arm in far left of pic.


Saved my fave for last. Look carefully. THAT is funny.


Hope that last one doesn't give you nightmares! Hope all the clouds in the sky die and go to hell!

The Bees Knees

Where did that expression even come from? Do bees even have knees? I don’t think so.

Knees. So weird looking. Non? Well I think they are and I keep mine under wraps most of the time.

Today I bought a pair of shorts. I feel like that news is worthy of a CNN Breaking News alert. Although, I’d be the only one totally shocked by it. And I’m the one who did the purchasing.

Literally cannot remember the last time I bought shorts. And it’s been so long that through multiple moves and homes and years, I don’t even own any. NONE PEOPLE. Not even a weird little too small pair that I keep because I might maybe possibly wear them one day. I have shoes, jeans, skirts, boots, tops and all other wardrobe items that I keep because I’m sure one day I’ll be needing it. Maybe to wear or for a costume. Seriously. But no shorts. (Wait- is that hoarding? Oh o. It's just that I know I’ll wear those pink wood platform shoes I got in grade 10 one day! I know it!)

So obviously, I can’t remember the last time I even wore shorts. I picture all my friends reading this going “No, I remember… that time… wait a second, it was a skirt, or lulus or sweats, not shorts!” And that’s correct. Always something else- a dress, skirt, a sweat pant item. And you might be thinking- 'What's the difference between a skirt and shorts!? This girl is nuts!' And my answer is that MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT! Can't explain the difference. There just is one.

And, I do spend time outside people! I was a camp director for pete’s sake!

Sitting in shorts. Yech. You either stick to the chair or can’t cross your legs cuz then your whole thigh is exposed and that might not be pretty! You know what I mean.

Just don’t like em. Don’t like knees. Not YOUR knees. Yours are ok. Most knees actually look quite similar I think. I don’t like looking at my legs in shorts. That’s my thing. Not your thing and THAT is why I bought shorts today!

Although, I do wear skirts and dresses that come to above my knees. So it seems that shorts above the knee are not ok but dresses and skirts are? I know, I'm confused too.

Ironic that I happen to be covering my knees in this pic.

Are her knees nice? SHE'S HEIDI KLUM!!! OF COURSE THEY ARE!!!!

The shorts I bought are Lululemon. They’re cute and colorful. I bought them 2 sizes too big and they have underwear in them. Hey, I’m out of practice ok. Gimme a break. I think they’re ‘running’ shorts. But I liked them enough to buy them. And they kinda look like a skirt because they’re too big. Baby steps.

The above is not me. Unfortunately. Those are gorgeous knees.

And it's not that there's anything wrong with my knees. They're average. No scars, nothing gross.

EVERYONE wears shorts! That’s normal! So I am going to try hard with my snazzy new shorts to be like you! I’m sure I’ll blend right in. I’d think that 9/10 people around me will be in shorts. So I won’t stand out. But I won’t really like it. And I will be uncomfortable. And I’ll be thinking about when I can get my stems into a pair of leggings.

But I’ll know. I’ll know I’m doing something crazy. For me.

>+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

CNN Breaking News

-Liana purchased shorts today. First time in over a decade. She will wear them in Florida, a senior administration official confirms.

>+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

Bald Guy Geniosity

Going card shopping can be annoying. I usually roam up and down the aisles, looking at about 43 cards until by default I pick the best of the worst. I rarely find a really great card.

Those days are over people. Well, at least for me.

I found a line of cards that when I read the first one, I swear I heard angels singing. Hallelulyah! I think I even teared up a bit.

Now, they are not for everyone. And you MUST be careful with whom you give them to. You do not want to cause an adverse reaction to a celebratory moment, a get well moment or an I love you moment. That my friends, is what we would call a major backfire. You need to know that your peeps can handle this.

I tried out my first Bald Guy Greeting the other night and unless my BFF was being polite, she thought it was hysterical.

Click on each image and it'll get bigger.

In case you're too lazy it reads:

Happy birthday to my best friend. I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend but they don't sell cards that say that.


For Valentine's Day:

Have I told you lately that I love you. Did it work? Did I get laid? Happy Valentine's Day.



Mother's Day:

Happy Mother's Day- Mom, thanks for giving birth to me. You nailed it.



Just because:

I don't even have a reason to get you a card. I just got you one. I guess that makes me one of the most amazing people you know.



And finally! A personal fave: Christmikakwanza:

Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah. Sorry, I wasn't sure which one you celebrated. I just knew it wasn't Kwanzaa.


I know, right??????? Perfect. For some. For me, the most sarcastic human alive. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!!!

baldguygreetings.com or Westmount Stationery on Sherbrooke.

Devour This

Found a great website. devour.com. Lots of random videos, commercials, movie trailers etc.

To begin, my main man Jason Schwartzman. I don't even care what he is peddling. I just love him.



Incredible, non?
Bored to Death, Rushmore, The Darjeeling Limited. Do it.


Coco. Need I say more? Sorry yet NBC?



Impressive Amex. Impressive.

Now, I LOVE Lebron. I'm sure there are a few others out there. Not sure if it's his skill, tats or arrogance that I love more. Back in the 90s, I looooooved #23, the one, the only MJ. I even once drove to Toronto and back in one night to see the Bulls play the Raptors. Quite possibly drove back because I was 19 and couldn't afford to stay over in T.O. But MJ was my man.

Lebron has caused a wee bit o controversy lately by leaving the Cleveland Cavaliers and joining forces with the Miami Heat. Clevelanders are maaaaaaaaad. Like violent mad. Did he sellout, has he ruined his legacy, is he chasing a championship? All of the above? Maybe. But I still love him.

Nike sweetness:



And Cleveland's response to the Nike ad:




That's all for now. Happy Monday!

Girly Things

So, I’m getting married. In April. Waaahoooooo. As we know, I am a slave to blogs of all sorts. When I was moving into my new house, home décor blogs became my life. I couldn’t believe how many were out there! I compiled an electronic collection of images in order to figure out what my interior style was.

I swear that's exactly what my deck looks like. With that view too.

That was my first foray into the blog world. Actually, I guess Perez Hilton was my first. Advance to about a minute. That's where it gets goooooood.

I know. Don't ask.

But I digress. Wedding. So, natch, my interior design blog obsession passed the torch to my wedding blog obsession and I’ve been collecting images. Lots of images. Lots of blogs. Lots of ‘real weddings’ blogs. (Say that 10 times fast)

And then the actual planning begins and one realizes VERY quickly that what you really want, or fantasized about or saw online, is likely not what you will end up with, well, because it’s just not realistic in your venue or culture.

Invitations- I loved these.

Crazy original non? I mistakenly thought that the groom and I are kooky enough characters that it would be totally acceptable to our guests (and our parents) that things were going to be a bit ‘different’. But then the groom was like: Sweetie, you’re not serious are you? And the mother of the bride was like: Dear, this is not your bar mitzvah. So ix-nay on the veerd invitations-ay.

Venue- I hadn’t originally wanted to get married in a synagogue. In doing some research, I learned that I am not in fact the heir to the Johnson's and Johnson’s fortune, and thus we will in fact be saying our I do’s in a house of worship. Also the size of the wedding played a large (pun intended) part in that decision. There would be no courtyard or industrial space for us.

Imagine...

Bridesmaids- I hadn’t actually wanted any. Not because I don’t have friends; I actually have the best friends in the whole wide world. It's just that my friends have all been bridesmaids so many times that I didn’t want to bother them. Of course, I knew they would happily do it if asked. And as groomzilla wouldn’t back down because he needed his ‘boys’, I of course asked my girls. Soooooo, what to wear, what to wear…

Love this:

And this:

I think the decision we came to was a good one. Right ladies?

I’d like to wear these shoes. But I can’t remember where I got that pic from. Oh well.

How cute is this menu? No! says my mama.

And I wish I could wear something as fun as this. I know it’s not even a wedding dress but I loved the costume design in Marie Antoinette!

So what have I learned? There are many cool things people out there are doing for their weddings. But I'm right here. In my reality. Will I be able to incorporate all the zany and quirky things that I have found? Def not. (You're welcome Rozzie)

Amazing amazing amazing family and friends? Check.

Soulmate? Check.

Rabbi? Check.

Looks like we're good!

Go Fug Yourself GQ Glee

From the Go Fug yourself girls:

Don't even get me started. No, seriously. Don't get me started on this. Yes, GQ, the PERFECT person to shoot a cover and editorial spread about a show about teenagers is TERRY RICHARDSON, who's recently enjoyed a tidal wave of press about how he is TOTALLY GROSS to all the underage models who are sent to him! WHAT AN AWESOME PLAN. And what is YET AWESOMER is to decide that the women on Glee should pose COMPLETELY SCANTILY CLAD as if they were washed up WB starlets angling for the cover of Maxim circa 1999.

Look, I get that GQ is kind of lad-mag adjacent and that the people on Glee are of age, but when you look at this cover and the shots inside and Dianna Agron looks like a nun simply because she's wearing BOTTOMS, maybe we've crossed a PR-bridge too far.

After all, when you've got Lea Michele making her Victoria's Secret face on the cover in her underpants, do you ALSO need her to be eating a lollipop in her panties inside? And also eating a lollipop in her panties with her legs spread and playing with her hair? And, oh, just standing around in her panties- sans lollipop this time but threatening to take her top off?

I don't mean to strangle myself with these pearls that I'm clutching BUT COME ON. You can be cute and you can be sexy and you can be alluring and you can still wear something other than your panties in every single shot in a national magazine, especially when the other people in the spread range from COMPLETELY (Cory) to kinda (Dianna) clothed.


I don't blame Lea Michele for this but I do blame SOMEONE for not saying, "hey, this show is all about how cool it is to be different and talented, so maybe our lead actress -- who is crazy talented and would be even if she were wearing a zombie costume -- doesn't need to be styled like the most important thing about her is her body, just like every other anonymous sexpot in every other lad mag in the world.

LET'S TRY A SHOT WITH SOME PANTS TERRY YOU DISGUSTING OLD GOAT."



I need to go breathe into a bag now.

My dog the genius

So it seems that my dog, in her spare time, has been doing some Pavlovian research and might even be conducting an experiment. I can almost picture her in a white lab coat and glasses concocting this plan.

It also seems like this plan was hatched a very long time ago and has come full circle recently. Quite a frickin genius my little schnauzer is.

Ya see, when she was much younger (she's 3 now), she was crated each night. Never made a peep in there. Loved it, as most dogs do. When she did make a peep, a whimper, mini bark or scratch, I knew something was wrong and I lept outta bed and ran outside with her. 9.9/10, some form of explosive defecation followed suit.

Lola at 4 months. Oy.

She didn't (I thought then) realize that all she had to do to get me to let her out of the crate was squeak a bit. She never took advantage of it and only used her 'voice' in times of emergency.

But now I realize that this was all part of her master plan.

Always watching me...

Cut to 2 years later. Lola sometimes sleeps in our bed, sometimes in her bed, in our room with the door closed. In the last few months, I have been awoken almost every morning around 8 am to her scratching at the door. So naturally, I jump out of bed and run with her to let her out into the backyard.

If it's a scratch waaaaaay before 8am, I know her tummy must be upset. But more often than not, the scratching has been coming between 8-9am. (For all you judgers out there- my work schedule is irregular so that's why 8-9am is early for me!)

So I find myself, morning after morning, getting out of bed to let her into the backyard.

Who's in control here?
Who's the master?

When did both those answers become Lola?

Well, she's done it ladies and gentlemen. She has classically conditioned me to respond to her scratching at the door. She scratches, I jump. Textbook.

Genius.



(Footnote- this entry was written prior to daylight savings so now Lola is scratching at the door at 7am. Cool.)

Cool Beans

A Flash Mob is described as a group of people who appear from out of nowhere, to perform predetermined actions, designed to amuse and confuse surrounding people. The group performs these actions for a short amount of time before quickly dispersing

. Sometimes it's just for fun (Oprah and the Black Eyed Peas) and sometimes it's an advertising ploy. Whether or not you decide to sign up with T-Mobile or buy a phone from them, one thing is for sure- these ads are entertaining and even mystifying. How'd they get sooooooo many people to do that? How do you practice for something like that?


This is the latest T-Mobile flash mob production. It premiered on Friday, October 29th at London, Heathrow Airport. 300 people involved! In an airport! Can you imagine the planning (and security?????!!!!!) involved? Really NUTS. And it's INCREDIBLE and I cry EVERY TIME I watch it.




This is also an older T-Mobile flash mob production. Also brilliant.



Even us Canadians got involved! Virgin Mobile Canada and a group of Ryerson University students created this one on one of the busiest intersections in Toronto:




And lastly, although I'm sure there are many other awesome ones out there, here's Oprah's kick off to her 24th season. Over 20 000 people were involved and it was (allegedly) a surprise to Oprah herself!



Very cool. Very.

PostSecret

PostSecret was introduced to me over 5 years ago. Since then, I check the website every Sunday, religiously, to see the new secrets that are posted. I own 4 books full of secrets and whenever possible, give these books as gifts. My older niece (turning 11 soonish) and I have spent hours looking through the books together, prolly to her parent's chagrin. Leave it to Auntie Liana to teach her things she really doesn't need to know yet! You're welcome!

So what is PostSecret?? First watch this.

That should give you a little taste.

Frank Warren had an idea for a community art project. He began handing out postcards and asked people to write down their deepest and darkest secrets and to mail them to him anonymously. The response was overwhelming. And the cards themselves were works of art.

"Addictively compelling, the cards reveal our deepest fears, desires, regrets and obsessions."

I am obsessed. And my betrothed thinks this obsession of mine is creepy. I do not. I'm fascinated. Going on 5 years now. They make me laugh, make me cry, and make me think. These secrets have even saved some people's lives. Or the suicide prevention hotline that Frank Warren supports and advertises on his website has. People have realized that they are not alone and that they are not the only ones suffering from their problem.

Frank began receiving so many postcards, that he knew it was his duty to share them. He does so on his website www.postsecret.com and through the numerous books of secrets that have been published.

"The secrets brilliantly illuminate that human emotions can be unique and universal at the same time."

Here are some of my favourites:

Some are silly-

Many are about love- wanting it, having found it, suffering because of it...

Some are sad and quirky-

And some are just awesome-

And that is PostSecret in a nutshell! Check it out!